Dropped a Few. Caught some too.

2025 was all about juggling.

Some things essential. Some unnecessary. And some that seemed to exist purely as a package deal. Success feels so much more worth it, when it plays hard to get.

Being born at the end of January blurs timelines; the new year never feels like a clean break. One year spills into the next; the disappointment of not having achieved what you wanted, unfulfilled goals, and the awareness of a lack of direction linger way longer than they should.

It feels messy. Even ridiculous. Like I've been doing too much without doing anything particularly well. I've often questioned my choices and my pace.

But from time to time, when I stand still, I see it differently.

I see movement; someone who keeps going.

I dropped a few balls, but I’ve also caught many more than I realise… What felt like confusion a few weeks ago now feels like the very thing that sharpened my clarity. Life has a way of doing that; chaos forces honesty, while calm has the potential to become its own kind of disorder.

I stretched myself out. I spread myself thin. Not for achievement or outcome, but because something in me just wanted to think less and do more. I said yes to people, to unfamiliar rooms, to helping where I could; a neighbour, a child, and sometimes moments that asked for presence rather than planning.

I didn’t manage it all very well. I made a mess now and then.  If you ask if I paused enough? I’d say no.

Often, it felt unsustainable. At times, it felt like I was doing a terrible job.

But in retrospect, I feel proud.

Proud of the heart I led with.

Proud of the energy I showed up with.

Proud that even in the midst of confusion, I kept choosing connection, curiosity, and heart.

As I step into another year of my life, I feel steadier. Stronger. More grounded. Grateful for what has shifted, blessed for all the people who walked into my life, and excited, genuinely excited, (and a little nervous sometimes) about what’s to come.

Because chaos didn’t break me. Rather, it shaped me.

Thank you, Chaos, I think I found a few soulmates this year. You might very well be one of them.