The Search for Men and Houses: A Completely Scientific Comparison

I’ve been on a house hunt.

It’s an unusual one, because I gave up a perfectly suitable home to go looking for a new one. One could say I decided that “perfectly suitable” was no longer enough and that I wanted to chase a dream for a little while.

And very quickly, something has become evident to me: searching for a home isn’t all that different from searching for a partner. Here’s why:

1. Non-Negotiables

You start with a list. Three bedrooms. Lots of light. A little outdoor space. Good location. Decent kitchen... Then you start looking, and you discover that every house has some endearing quality, but you’d be lucky if it meets even 50% of your carefully curated list.

So you start adjusting. Three bedrooms become two. A garden becomes a balcony. “Lots of light” becomes “there is technically a window.” And eventually you’re standing in a dark little box thinking, Actually, I quite like cosy.

I suspect relationships work much the same way.

2. First Impressions

Then there are first impressions.

A house can look absolutely gorgeous in photographs and distinctly less gorgeous when you’re standing in the middle of it wondering if you'd be able to use that bathroom.

You know what I mean :)

3. Maintenance

Then there’s maintenance.

The better they look, the more maintenance they require?

Some houses are also fixer-uppers. So are some men. But there’s a fine line between “this needs a little work” and “I have accidentally taken on a full-scale restoration project.”

You see the ugly tiles, questionable plumbing, and kitchen that appears to have been designed in 1987 and think, I can work with this. Perhaps we are all occasionally guilty of falling in love with potential.

The problem is that potential doesn’t pay the plumber.

4. Location, Location, Location

Location matters. A lot.

You can have the most beautiful house in the world, but if getting somewhere involves a bunch of driving, you’ll probably resent it fairly quickly.

Same with men. Lovely person. Completely wrong location in your life.

5. The Middlemen

Then there are the brokers. Brokers are a little like dating sites. They never quite understand what you want. You tell them you want light, space, and character, and they show you a dark two-bedroom apartment with a view of a wall.

Without the middleman, you might actually find something much more fitting.

The only problem is that it takes longer. You have to put yourself out there. You have to knock on doors. You have to have the courage to walk into places that look promising and discover that they absolutely aren’t.

And then... there are the houses you walk into and simply don’t want. Nothing is particularly wrong with them. The paperwork is fine. The location is good. The kitchen is lovely. It ticks all the sensible boxes.

But you just don’t want to live there...

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